Tuesday, 31 May 2016

Expectation vs. Reality (Medic Series)

Everyone said it wouldn't be any harder. Everyone said university isn’t a step up but a step across. Don’t believe them. Don’t take their word for it. They lie.

At least for me.

University was the hardest thing I've ever done. I love living alone, I loved being independent, I love being able to do what I wanted, when I wanted to do it, but making new friends isn't easy for me. I find it hard to make friends let alone become confident enough in that friendship to let them in, to open up and be me. Being in a flat with no friends is hard. This article really struck a cord with me because I can relate on so many levels.

I've always been relatively mature – even if I do say so myself – so I didn't mind suddenly having to manage finances. That wasn't the hard part. Time managing is my strong point. I love being organised have a schedule and making plans, way too far in advance than is necessary.

I think it's very course dependent but I struggled. I knew medicine would be challenging but I didn't know it would be this hard. The actual knowledge is difficult but once grasped its okay. It’s the vast amount that you have to learn so quickly. Cramming all that into your brain when you are used to learning a month worth of work in a whole A-Level qualification.... It’s such a change. And it has to be learnt fast. It’s not something that is a gradual process it’s hard.

By now, some of my regular readers, may know that I am a first year medical student at University College London (UCL) but I've done it before. I'm resitting the year and for a while it took me a long time to say that out aloud, for me to accept it and for me to be okay with it. I still hate when people ask what year I am in or how long I have been at university because I've been here for 2 years but I'm in year one. What do I say? Do I simply say year 1 or 2 years….then I usually find myself qualifying it with the whole story. I feel like an idiot and at one point I was so depressed, I didn’t know if I’ll ever be happy with myself but I’m beginning to get okay with it.

I went from being one of the smartest in my high school, top set in everything, to the ‘norm’ in college. A lot of people were clever but it wasn’t a selective college for people in the catchment area so you just needed 5C’s to get in. Medicine at UCL was completely different. Suddenly, I was thrown into this crazy world with all these students that were the smartest of the smart. They excelled in a competitive environment and when UCL give decile ranking to show your position, it becomes intimidating.

I was never one to worry about passing. I was always scared of not getting A*s and as but never failing. I didn’t have any pressure from anyone else; my mum was - and still is - supportive of anything I do and my dad would probably be disappointed but he was never forceful. I did it to myself. Right now? My expectations of myself are so low, I’ll be happy with any sort of pass, I don’t care abbot the mark. Please just pass.

I have no idea what these results will say this year. Honestly, I’m not too hopeful. I don’t think I’ve done enough. But I’ve grown to accept this.

At first, I just kept telling myself that I’d wasted my time if I fail but honestly, as I think more and more about it, I realise how much I have grown in the last year alone. I know, I know. It’s cliché. But it’s true I’ve changed. I’ve got stronger. I’ve got better. I’ve learnt so much about myself.

Whatever happens I know I’ll be okay. I’ve been forced into situations that I never thought I would be in and they have made me wiser in years beyond my age.

Monday, 30 May 2016

Puppy Love and Photoshoot Bloopers! - Week Diary

This past week I went home for a little trip to see family in Yorkshire.

I filmed a few clips this week and made a short vlog! Click here to watch and see below. I also took lots of photos and I've shared a brief daily summary and some of my favourites below :)

I started the week off at my dad's house and we went bowling as it had started to rain.

It was such a nice day and dad and I wanted to get out of the house. We decided last minute to go to the Yorkshire Sculpture Park. I used to go all the time as a child but haven't been in years so I don't really remember it. Sorry for the picture overload, I took so many pictures that I love, this was the best I could do to narrow it down. To see the full album, click here

Wednesday was a pretty chill day. I spent the majority with dad who then dropped me off at my mum's house. I didn't tell her I was coming so I surprised her. I love coming back because I usually have so much post and this time did not disappoint. I got my Kylie Jenner Lip kits (review and haul coming soon here) and Sprinkle of Glitter's, Simply Be collection (also coming soon here).

I tried to plan a little in advance for this visit and arranged to meet two school friends at Frankie and Benny's. Unfortunately, Waqaar ended up having to work so it was just a girly date with Alice and me. Mum came to pick me up afterwards but I was waiting a while so as any sane person does, I took lots of selfies! At the moment, we love looking at new houses so we went to look at a new complex.

Mum was having a BBQ with friends so Laura offered to pick me up. We went to Valentino's, a local Italian, and had some delicious food while catching up before she dropped me back at home. I crashed the party and ended up talking to 'the adults' where we ended up playing poker. I lost but afterwards we played '13 card brag' which I won!

As already mentioned, I got a massive package from Simply Be with lots of clothes that I won. I ended up taking all the pictures and videos for my blog post and lookbook coming out soon but here are some behind the scene pictures of my set up!

My last day in Yorkshire is always something mum likes to celebrate, despite the fact I come back usually once a month! We went as a family to Capri, a new Italian that has opened up, where I had my 5th different pizza in 6 days. Can you tell I'm obsessed! I thought it was bellisimo but not everyone was convinced!

Afterwards, we called in at my godmother's house to meet their new puppy, a little black lab named Phoebe. She is seriously the cutest thing. You forget how small they are until you hold a dog that little again. Oh my heart...

Unexpected Surprises!

I have so many posts that I am so excited about and I have them all written but because there are so many I have them scheduled until mid-July! Considering I still will have birthday posts, holiday posts and some concerts posts that haven't happened yet... I really won't those posts to go up as soon as possible after the event so lucky for you guys, I have made the decision to post all 5 week days this week. How exciting! 2 extra bonus posts!

I'm so excited for the posts this week:

I went home for the week and kept very busy vlogging a few clips each day. Two medical related posts just before results are released next week. My Sprinkle Of Glitter post has a YouTube lookbook to go with it and I am seriously so happy with how everything turned out. Ending with my first ever concert! 

Friday, 27 May 2016

Karaoke Hits! (Flashback Friday)

This week's Flashback Friday is from 2011 when me and my sister were being babysat by a family friend, Kate. After baking buns we did karaoke and dancing! Click here to watch.
Oh how I'm craving butterfly buns right now <3

Wednesday, 25 May 2016

Don't Stay at Pure Highbury! (Review) 🚧

An open letter to all considering staying at Pure Highbury, Pure Student Living!

To whom it may concern,

I am writing to let you know how disappointed I am in my stay here at Pure Highbury.

I was thrilled when I got the opportunity to stay here for a year. It was a last minute decision hence the unfortunate high price, but it was close to the tube station so easy access to all major central London locations, high level of security to make me feel safe and especially the added bonus of a gym, small but fully functional and never busy. Having stayed at a hall last year with no rec room, I was very happy that there was a large M floor purely for socialising.

But the problems are unbelievable.

After starting the year with no cutlery, dirty pans and getting all my food stolen - still an ongoing battle but not as severe - it only got worse.

The temperature in my room didn't work so that had to be fixed, now it is off completely and still far too hot. I have to leave my window open throughout the day and sweat through the night because otherwise it is too noisy to sleep with the trains.

The kitchen has had it's own share of problems. We were without one of the oven's for over 3 months, and a light for 1 month making it very difficult to see into the lockers. I was told that the light was on backorder and it would be changed as soon as it came in. After the second light went out, I complained again and they were both fixed within a day of the complaint, leaving me to question that they had the light all along.

On top of the power cut, my shower stopped working. The pressure went completely as did the temperature so I was left with a powerful burning hot or ice cold shower or a trickle of temperate water. None of which were useable.

Multiple leaks has meant the main entrance has been out of order many times and recently it meant that the laundry room was locked of limits on safety grounds. None of the washers or dryers were working but did they let anyone know? No of course not. I stripped my bed, trudged downstairs only to have to be told. They said they would email when it was fixed but no, did they hell. Security didn't even seem to know about it, let alone when it would be fixed.

To top it all off, the internet has been terrible since just after Christmas with major works going on recently. I now, in the midst of exam revision when I need it the most, have not had it at all for 24 hours. It has just come back on allowing me to write this message.

This is seriously getting ridiculous. I am paying well over £200 a week for the worst rented accommodation that I have ever stayed in. I think for a student accommodation, one of the most important things is WiFi which is what you sell yourself on and yet it still isn't right.

Parties continue to be organised on week nights when many have university early in the morning or, even worse, exams! They continue into the early hour of the next morning and obviously keep me awake.

While, yes, the staff are all very friendly and kind, this just isn't worth the money being asked. I'm not usually one to complain because I don't like confrontation but I honestly I feel like this isn't going to fix itself and something seriously needs to be done. In actual fact, the cheek of the company has meant that they have had a complete change of staffing and switched a lot of the normal staff to those from elsewhere.

If you are a heavy sleeper, book it now! This is the perfect accommodation! If you can't sleep through constant banging of the pipes, constant banging of the fire doors, intermittent trains and loud badly organised events...find somewhere else!

Miss Slack.